Lawyers often find themselves as the butt of jokes, with their profession lending itself to some humorous stereotypes and situations. Hence, the proliferation of funny lawyer jokes.
In this collection, we’re bringing you the funniest and best attorney jokes that play on the quirks of the legal profession. From courtroom capers to the idiosyncrasies of attorney life, these lawyer jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.
Whether you’re a lawyer looking for a laugh or just enjoy some good old legal humor, these funny jokes about lawyers are perfect for lightening the mood. All jokes here are clean lawyer jokes.
Remember, it’s all in good fun, so let’s dive into these witty quips and jests that make even the sternest judge crack a smile!
Lawyer Jokes
- How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
- Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
- What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
- How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested.
- Golf jokes!
- Why did the lawyer name his daughter Sue? That was the easiest name for the lawyer to remember because he used it all the time.
- What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a law conference? The caterer.
- How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
- What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
- What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
- How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say ‘Fees’!
- Why did the lawyer keep staring at the orange juice carton? Because it said ‘Concentrate’.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure? The bucket.
- Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
- What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them, but you never see them.
- What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
- Why did the post office hire a lawyer? To figure out how to stamp out fraud.
- What do you call a lawyer gone bad? A senator.
- Why did the personal injury lawyer cross the road? To chase the ambulance on the other side!
- Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? The cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
- What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? Retired.
- What’s the one thing that never works when it’s fixed? A jury.
- Why did the lawyer wear a neck brace? To stop from getting whiplash from changing sides so fast.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.
- What do you call a lawyer with a heart? A contradiction.
- How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway? Only three. The rest are true stories.
- Why did God invent lawyers? So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
- What’s the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer? One’s a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.
- Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the car accident on the other side.
- What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff? A good start.
- How do you know a lawyer is about to lie? Their lips start moving.
- A doctor and a lawyer walk into a bar. The doctor says, “I’m tired of my job. People always come to me only when they’re sick.” The lawyer nods and says, “I know what you mean. It’s just like my job, except they also blame me for their bills!”
- Friday jokes!